As you know, by now, I do a daily Bible Plan by Joyce Meyer. Today's devotional talked about "Enduring like Jesus." If anyone needs inspiration in the endurance department, that would be ME or anyone that's going through a similar struggle with infertility. This devotional was so great for me today that I decided to share it with you.
Enduring Like Jesus
There are usually two sides to everything. The cross has two: a
crucifixion side and a resurrection side. Jesus had to endure one side
to get to the other. But if He hadn't endured, then we'd all still be
left without a Savior and no forgiveness of our sins.
Hebrews 12:2 says that Jesus, for the joy of obtaining the prize on the
other side of the cross, the resurrection, endured the pain. Like Jesus,
we have to endure bad things. To endure means to outlast the devil; to
be steadfast long enough to let the trial do whatever it's going to do
in our lives and get from one side of the cross to the other.
Whether we're hit by an unexpected circumstance, suffering for doing
something wrong or for resisting temptation and sin by doing what's
right, we have to go through things. But waiting for you on the other
side of the hard times is the joy of obtaining the prize, the good
result.
Today, be encouraged by the way Jesus handled trials. He knew the joy
that was before Him and persevered until the end. He's given you the
power to do the same.
Prayer Starter: God, I want to endure like Jesus. Help me to get a
vision for the joy of obtaining the prize that awaits me so that I can
endure whatever trial comes my way.
Hebrews 12:2
2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter
of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its
shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
What a great reminder!! Jesus had to endure the cross so that you and I could live without the worry of sin! We are FORGIVEN of our sin on a DAILY basis!! What an awesome gift. Just like you, I have to remind myself everyday that I should have FAITH in Jesus and what his awesome powers hold.
10.29.2013
10.23.2013
When the "Rendezvous" Just Ain't for You...(or Me)
I hate to say it but it looks like the "Rendezvous" didn't work out so well for us. It looks like we'll be traveling on to the next adventure; IVF (In Vitro Fertilization)!
IVF....Never in a million years would I have thought that I would be the one to need IVF. To me, the whole thing always sounded so scientific and complicated. Well, friends, it pretty much is just that! I can't help but be extremely nervous about the whole thing but I know that Brian is here to support me and to be by my side as well as God, who is here with me even when I don't think he is [sometimes].
Unfortunately, the earliest appointment that was available for us to meet for a follow-up conversation with Dr. P wasn't until November 7th. BUMMER!! I will give an update on the process when we know for sure exactly the plan of action Dr. P will give us.
So, without wasting any "precious" time, I am going to do a little self-treatment while we are in our holding pattern for the IVF plan of action. Self- treatment, you say?? YES. I have gathered some extra Clomid that I had at home and will be taking that during this month just for "fun." Haha..."just for fun" is really a weird way to put it. This whole process has been anything but fun.
Fun is when we used to believe that we would miraculously end up getting pregnant. Fun is when we could just live carelessly without the heartache of a miscarriage and the reminders of not having our own children when our friends and people around us were shoving babies into our faces. FUN was not knowing that I would struggle with infertility.
I know that I am very fortunate to be able to have the resources available to me for this type of treatment and an insurance policy that pays a large amount of what it costs. I am constantly reminded about how fortunate I am to have such a wonderful, loving and supportive husband who gives himself to me selflessly. And I KNOW that I have an AMAZING GOD who is carrying us through such difficult times.
I am reminded daily by God in some way or another about how to keep my faith in Him; even when it's the least I can do.
Today, I am reminded by God to keep my head up and my faith strong through KLOVE's Encouraging Word of the day: "Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing" John 15:5 NLT
IVF....Never in a million years would I have thought that I would be the one to need IVF. To me, the whole thing always sounded so scientific and complicated. Well, friends, it pretty much is just that! I can't help but be extremely nervous about the whole thing but I know that Brian is here to support me and to be by my side as well as God, who is here with me even when I don't think he is [sometimes].
Unfortunately, the earliest appointment that was available for us to meet for a follow-up conversation with Dr. P wasn't until November 7th. BUMMER!! I will give an update on the process when we know for sure exactly the plan of action Dr. P will give us.
So, without wasting any "precious" time, I am going to do a little self-treatment while we are in our holding pattern for the IVF plan of action. Self- treatment, you say?? YES. I have gathered some extra Clomid that I had at home and will be taking that during this month just for "fun." Haha..."just for fun" is really a weird way to put it. This whole process has been anything but fun.
Fun is when we used to believe that we would miraculously end up getting pregnant. Fun is when we could just live carelessly without the heartache of a miscarriage and the reminders of not having our own children when our friends and people around us were shoving babies into our faces. FUN was not knowing that I would struggle with infertility.
I know that I am very fortunate to be able to have the resources available to me for this type of treatment and an insurance policy that pays a large amount of what it costs. I am constantly reminded about how fortunate I am to have such a wonderful, loving and supportive husband who gives himself to me selflessly. And I KNOW that I have an AMAZING GOD who is carrying us through such difficult times.
I am reminded daily by God in some way or another about how to keep my faith in Him; even when it's the least I can do.
Today, I am reminded by God to keep my head up and my faith strong through KLOVE's Encouraging Word of the day: "Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing" John 15:5 NLT
10.08.2013
"Emotional Roller-Coaster"
Boy, have I been riding the "emotional roller-coaster" lately. I know I could probably, legitimately, blame it on the amount of hormones circulating through my veins from this treatment; but I will give the credit to the Man Upstairs. God.
Yesterday, I could have totally stayed in the bed all day long and wallowed in my self pity. Life has been so hard for me (and poor BR who has to put up with me) lately and I have just become so frustrated with Him [God] sometimes. I wonder why He chose me to go through such a difficult time in getting pregnant; and why he took the first pregnancy away from us. No, I didn't stay in bed. I went to work on the dreary, RAINY Monday. I don't know why it was yesterday that I felt so angry, so disappointed, discouraged, frustrated, jealous, etc., etc. [I could really go on and on but I will spare you the drama]. I would think "WHY, God, WHY ME?!"
I read several things yesterday from blogs that I follow. One from Joyce Meyer (www.joycemeyer.org)who I read everyday as part of my "Promises for your Everyday Life" daily Bible Plan on YouVersion (www.bible.com). The part of this particular message that really got my attention was the following:
"If it sometimes seems that you're not making any progress, it's because the Lord is untying your knots one at a time. Let His patience develop in you, and sooner or later, you will see victory in your life and experience the freedom you have wanted for so long."
WOW. Thank you, Lord for working through the writings of Joyce Meyer. I guess I wasn't aware of the number of knots that may need to be untied before You think that we [I] am ready for a child. It's hard to understand, but this makes things a little more bearable!
No, God didn't stop there; He took things to a whole new level. Following my "Daily Bible Plan" email was my "Proverbs 31 Ministries" email. This blog entry, written by Nicki Koziarz, "Habits of a Woman Who Doesn't Give Up" (Read it here) really inspired me to want to keep going in this journey. God is telling me NOT TO GIVE UP! He's working at untying my knots!
The power verse they gave..."Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might..." Ecclesiastes 9:10 (NIV)
My confidence is beginning to grow, yet, for some reason I still feel an anxiety within me that will not go away! I went on through the rest of the day feeling BLEH, even after reading my Bible Study by Jennifer Beckham (More information here) "Get Over Yourself," I was totally not getting over myself! I was STILL an emotional wreck; right down to having a break-down, tears and all, last night. I am such a lucky girl to have such an amazing, supportive husband who lets me cry (more like sob) on his shoulder even though he's going through the same thing!
It was not until today that God spoke to me and reminded me how well I was doing in letting him take the time to untie all of the knots in my life.
No, I do not believe that it was a coincidence that my "Proverbs 31 Ministries" email was titled "Lord, I Need Your Help" by Renee Swope (Read it here) and spoke to me about crying out to God for help in times of need. It spoke to me about how I sometimes snap at BR for no reason; how I am so angry at things that are in my past (miscarriage) and take it out on others such as my husband. The verse given was:
"In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help." (Psalm 18:6 NIV)
And as if it wasn't enough that God was telling me that he is hearing me, He proved to me that my strength during this time was an encouragement to others. HE PROVED to me that HE is WORKING THROUGH me, FOR me and IN me! I could not be more thankful, today, for the people that he has placed into my life during this time and for the struggles that He's put me through only to "make me more useful for later roles in His unfolding story."
I will end with yesterday's "Prayer of the Day" from The Unveiled Wife:
Yesterday, I could have totally stayed in the bed all day long and wallowed in my self pity. Life has been so hard for me (and poor BR who has to put up with me) lately and I have just become so frustrated with Him [God] sometimes. I wonder why He chose me to go through such a difficult time in getting pregnant; and why he took the first pregnancy away from us. No, I didn't stay in bed. I went to work on the dreary, RAINY Monday. I don't know why it was yesterday that I felt so angry, so disappointed, discouraged, frustrated, jealous, etc., etc. [I could really go on and on but I will spare you the drama]. I would think "WHY, God, WHY ME?!"
I read several things yesterday from blogs that I follow. One from Joyce Meyer (www.joycemeyer.org)who I read everyday as part of my "Promises for your Everyday Life" daily Bible Plan on YouVersion (www.bible.com). The part of this particular message that really got my attention was the following:
"If it sometimes seems that you're not making any progress, it's because the Lord is untying your knots one at a time. Let His patience develop in you, and sooner or later, you will see victory in your life and experience the freedom you have wanted for so long."
WOW. Thank you, Lord for working through the writings of Joyce Meyer. I guess I wasn't aware of the number of knots that may need to be untied before You think that we [I] am ready for a child. It's hard to understand, but this makes things a little more bearable!
No, God didn't stop there; He took things to a whole new level. Following my "Daily Bible Plan" email was my "Proverbs 31 Ministries" email. This blog entry, written by Nicki Koziarz, "Habits of a Woman Who Doesn't Give Up" (Read it here) really inspired me to want to keep going in this journey. God is telling me NOT TO GIVE UP! He's working at untying my knots!
The power verse they gave..."Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might..." Ecclesiastes 9:10 (NIV)
My confidence is beginning to grow, yet, for some reason I still feel an anxiety within me that will not go away! I went on through the rest of the day feeling BLEH, even after reading my Bible Study by Jennifer Beckham (More information here) "Get Over Yourself," I was totally not getting over myself! I was STILL an emotional wreck; right down to having a break-down, tears and all, last night. I am such a lucky girl to have such an amazing, supportive husband who lets me cry (more like sob) on his shoulder even though he's going through the same thing!
It was not until today that God spoke to me and reminded me how well I was doing in letting him take the time to untie all of the knots in my life.
No, I do not believe that it was a coincidence that my "Proverbs 31 Ministries" email was titled "Lord, I Need Your Help" by Renee Swope (Read it here) and spoke to me about crying out to God for help in times of need. It spoke to me about how I sometimes snap at BR for no reason; how I am so angry at things that are in my past (miscarriage) and take it out on others such as my husband. The verse given was:
"In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help." (Psalm 18:6 NIV)
And as if it wasn't enough that God was telling me that he is hearing me, He proved to me that my strength during this time was an encouragement to others. HE PROVED to me that HE is WORKING THROUGH me, FOR me and IN me! I could not be more thankful, today, for the people that he has placed into my life during this time and for the struggles that He's put me through only to "make me more useful for later roles in His unfolding story."
I will end with yesterday's "Prayer of the Day" from The Unveiled Wife:
10.02.2013
A Solid Plan: "The Fertility Rendezvous"
Our plan, now, is to do start the path toward IVF (In-Vetro Fertilization). The whole process will begin after we try this same
treatment [if it doesn't work] one last time (I am only allowed 2 rounds).
This time, we're doing it with the option of IUI instead of timed intercourse. The process is the same at the beginning of the cycle with the pills, the shots and the routine ultrasounds followed by the Ovidrel shot. What's different is that we get to do what I like to call "The Fertility Rendezvous."
One of my strengths throughout this process has been to keep a sense of humor. I have learned that fertility treatment is such an awesome resource that I have been blessed to have available to me; however, things just get down-right awkward with the number of nurses and residents and who all else works at this facility who see what used to be what I considered to be my "private" areas.
The "Fertility Rendezvous" is my risque-sounding name for the process of getting an IUI (Intrauterine Insemination). Once I have taken my Ovidrel shot, I then have an appointment at the 36 hour mark. For example, I took my shot at 9:30PM on Tuesday night and have a scheduled appointment on Thursday morning at 9:30AM. BR has his appointment at the same facility an hour and a half earlier (8AM). When he arrives at the office, he will be given instructions on providing a "specimen" or a cup of sperm. Yes, this is where it gets really awkward; sending my husband into a room of "visually stimulating" materials to be able to provide a "specimen" in a cup that he puts in a paper bag and passes through a window in the wall to a lab located on the other side. AWKWARD.
Once the "specimen" has been provided, the lab then spends the hour between our appointments to "wash" the sperm. I don't know exactly what is involved in this process (not sure that I want to know) but they basically get the sperm down to it's most concentrated (and strongest "swimmers") state.
When I come in at 9:30AM for my appointment, I will go into a room that would be the same as if I were to be going for my annual pap-smear. The nurse/doctor will then follow the same procedure as the pap then with a tiny catheter inserted past my cervix, with a syringe, inject the sperm into my uterus. I lay there for at least 15 minutes "resting" and letting the little guys swim up to meet my "nicely developed" eggs that the Ovidrel has forced to come out of my ovaries. SIMPLE, right??
My faith has resembled a roller-coaster these days. One day I may be so excited and positive that this round of treatment is going to be THE ROUND that gets us pregnant. Other days, I may be in tears with the feeling of no hope of ever having the experience of pregnancy and delivering a child from my own womb. Through it all, my wonderful husband has been my ROCK, my shoulder to cry on and my hand to hold. He's going through the same thing but has always made it seem like everything is going to be alright.
Praise be to God! I have found the most wonderful picture recently that says it all: "I have cast my anchor in the port of peace, knowing that present and future are in NAIL-PIERCED HANDS."
WOW. Yes! My faith is in the Lord and it shall not be swayed! Like the song sung by Josh Wilson that says "Whatever you do, just don't lose heart. Keep pushing back the dark" and that is EXACTLY what I intend to do! I WILL NOT lose heart!!
Please pray as we go through our IUI experience tomorrow, 10/3/13. I pray that this is the treatment that will get us our baby (or babies- since our risk for multiples is higher with treatment)!!
The IVF post may not be necessary, so, in that case, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!
This time, we're doing it with the option of IUI instead of timed intercourse. The process is the same at the beginning of the cycle with the pills, the shots and the routine ultrasounds followed by the Ovidrel shot. What's different is that we get to do what I like to call "The Fertility Rendezvous."
One of my strengths throughout this process has been to keep a sense of humor. I have learned that fertility treatment is such an awesome resource that I have been blessed to have available to me; however, things just get down-right awkward with the number of nurses and residents and who all else works at this facility who see what used to be what I considered to be my "private" areas.
The "Fertility Rendezvous" is my risque-sounding name for the process of getting an IUI (Intrauterine Insemination). Once I have taken my Ovidrel shot, I then have an appointment at the 36 hour mark. For example, I took my shot at 9:30PM on Tuesday night and have a scheduled appointment on Thursday morning at 9:30AM. BR has his appointment at the same facility an hour and a half earlier (8AM). When he arrives at the office, he will be given instructions on providing a "specimen" or a cup of sperm. Yes, this is where it gets really awkward; sending my husband into a room of "visually stimulating" materials to be able to provide a "specimen" in a cup that he puts in a paper bag and passes through a window in the wall to a lab located on the other side. AWKWARD.
Once the "specimen" has been provided, the lab then spends the hour between our appointments to "wash" the sperm. I don't know exactly what is involved in this process (not sure that I want to know) but they basically get the sperm down to it's most concentrated (and strongest "swimmers") state.
When I come in at 9:30AM for my appointment, I will go into a room that would be the same as if I were to be going for my annual pap-smear. The nurse/doctor will then follow the same procedure as the pap then with a tiny catheter inserted past my cervix, with a syringe, inject the sperm into my uterus. I lay there for at least 15 minutes "resting" and letting the little guys swim up to meet my "nicely developed" eggs that the Ovidrel has forced to come out of my ovaries. SIMPLE, right??
My faith has resembled a roller-coaster these days. One day I may be so excited and positive that this round of treatment is going to be THE ROUND that gets us pregnant. Other days, I may be in tears with the feeling of no hope of ever having the experience of pregnancy and delivering a child from my own womb. Through it all, my wonderful husband has been my ROCK, my shoulder to cry on and my hand to hold. He's going through the same thing but has always made it seem like everything is going to be alright.
Praise be to God! I have found the most wonderful picture recently that says it all: "I have cast my anchor in the port of peace, knowing that present and future are in NAIL-PIERCED HANDS."
WOW. Yes! My faith is in the Lord and it shall not be swayed! Like the song sung by Josh Wilson that says "Whatever you do, just don't lose heart. Keep pushing back the dark" and that is EXACTLY what I intend to do! I WILL NOT lose heart!!
Please pray as we go through our IUI experience tomorrow, 10/3/13. I pray that this is the treatment that will get us our baby (or babies- since our risk for multiples is higher with treatment)!!
The IVF post may not be necessary, so, in that case, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!
Min-Stim Round 1- FAIL
Since my last post we have tried and were unsuccessful at our first round of what the Fertility Clinic calls "Min Stim" which means minimum stimulation.This treatment involves the use of 100mg of Clomid from days 3-7 of my cycle followed by (what is priced like gold $$$$) 3 (150 unit) shots of Menopur [in my tummy] from days 7-9 of my cycle. Then, on cycle day 12, I get what's referred to as a baseline ultrasound. This is the "not so pleasant" kind of ultrasound, if you know what I mean. During the ultrasound, they check the measurement of the lining of my uterus, check for cysts on my ovaries that may have formed and finally, they count and measure the follicles in my ovaries. (If you're not sure what a follicle is, it's the sac around what becomes the egg once I ovulate). Typically, there are 2-3 more ultrasounds to monitor the growth of the follicles after they've been "stimulated" by the Clomid and the Menopur. Once my follicles reach the measurement of around 15-20mm, they're considered "ready" for my final shot. Ovidrel. The final shot is the one that forces my body to ovulate.
After taking the Ovidrel shot, my body is supposed to then respond via ovulation within 36-48 hours. During that window between 36 & 48 hours is "go time" for at least every day for a few days. After that, the waiting game begins. Since the Ovidrel shot is made of hormones to cause the body to ovulate, it will cause pregnancy tests to test positive. In this case, I had to wait at least 2.5 weeks until I could take a test.
We waited the recommended 2 weeks and took a test. NEGATIVE. Man! I was so sure that this would work!! I know that God has this process in his hands and that at the right time, our treatment will work but it has been SO HARD! I am so thankful that we have such amazing and supportive friends and family through this process.
After taking the Ovidrel shot, my body is supposed to then respond via ovulation within 36-48 hours. During that window between 36 & 48 hours is "go time" for at least every day for a few days. After that, the waiting game begins. Since the Ovidrel shot is made of hormones to cause the body to ovulate, it will cause pregnancy tests to test positive. In this case, I had to wait at least 2.5 weeks until I could take a test.
We waited the recommended 2 weeks and took a test. NEGATIVE. Man! I was so sure that this would work!! I know that God has this process in his hands and that at the right time, our treatment will work but it has been SO HARD! I am so thankful that we have such amazing and supportive friends and family through this process.
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