God, thank you for today! I pray that you strip away our insecurities. Fill us with your Holy Spirit and guide us. We are in need of you!
The timing of these daily emails is amazing. Almost every time I need to pray for our marriage and what we're going through in trying to conceive, I get the perfect prayer starter from the Unveiled Wife.
Today's prayer really hit home. We have learned some information about our IVF cycle that has us unsure of what to even think. We are confused and times are completely uncertain. During my monitoring ultrasound yesterday (yes, Sunday) we spoke with a Dr. about options. Options outside of IVF! Our minds were blown at the news that we may not actually be able to follow through with this long-awaited procedure.
Here's what's happening:
Typically, when a woman is receiving treatment for an IVF cycle, their injections to stimulate follicle growth should produce at least a handful ( @ least 5 or more from what I understand) of follicles. How many follicles have I produced of "a measurable size?" THREE! Our hearts are broken. The 3 follicles that I have been stimulating with injections for the last 10 days don't even measure to the desired size as of day 10. The follicles need to at least measure up to 13mm in diameter to be considered "viable" for this procedure. (I will interject here that in the past, my follicles grew to the correct size, it just took FOREVER! Seriously, like 13-15 days). My largest follicle this time, measured at a little more than 9. The DR who did my ultrasound yesterday was very nice and very diplomatic in how he explained himself. He mentioned that we might want to consider a down-grade to an IUI since there are only 3 follicles and it would be the "perfect amount" for the IUI procedure. At this point, I am second-guessing my entire decision for IVF. I am second-guessing as to why we dropped more than $4,400 in meds and I am second-guessing the payment for the IVF procedure of $4,500 (which if we do the plan B option, we will at least receive a refund for). My faith is wavering and I am beginning to second-guess EVERYTHING. The DR had me to get my blood drawn to check my estrogen levels (as with every appointment--at this point, the estrogen level should start doubling).
Once we left the DR office to head to church, I broke down! I fought the tears through the rest of the visit in the office and tried to keep my strength and composure. My confidence was GONE. And those of you who wonder, my confidence is still gone...
I began to question why we had to be the ones to go through such a difficult time conceiving. Why did God choose us for this journey? Our faith is constantly challenged! I just feel like it gets harder and harder to understand why God is putting us through this. Yes, I know it's for a reason and for the best for both of us but WHY???
I really needed the time at church to sing and to praise God and while doing so, ask him what he has in his plans for us. I am in constant prayer for at least one child.
Around noon, the DR called us back to let me know (and seeming surprised) that my estrogen level was at 350-something and that it had doubled since Friday's visit. This was surprising to me too!! He directed me to begin my next injection. The injection that prevents my body from ovulating on it's own before the procedure. (Funny, right? My body actually ovulating on it's own is a miracle in itself!)
Needless to say, this weekend ended in a very insecure and emotional high. This week is going to be very EMOTIONAL. I go tomorrow for another ultrasound/ follicle measurement as well as the news as to whether or not we will be proceeding with this plan or going to "Plan B- IUI."
I humbly ask for your thoughts and prayers. I ask that God wraps his arms around us at such an insecure and emotionally, physically (and financially) draining time. One of my biggest pet peeves is to not know what's going on. I am a PLANNER and this is NOT part of my "plan."
Thank you, ahead of time, for any prayers.
