...Pick yourself up and try again! I never started my period after the Provera so, after waiting 10 days after I finished the round of Provera, I was told I needed to test. On July 28th, I took a pregnancy test and low & behold it was POSITIVE! :) We were ecstatic! The pregnancy was confirmed on August 1st by the dr's office, so we decided to share the exciting news with our parents. They were THRILLED!
A couple of weeks passed and we couldn't contain ourselves. We decided to tell our siblings and close friends. I was around 7 weeks so I felt like it might be okay. All of our friends were so excited as they knew that we've been trying for quite a while without success. BR and I began to think of what we might do to our 3rd bedroom to turn it into the nursery, what we might name the baby and plan out how we would take belly pictures when we got to that point. We were so overwhelmed with happiness.
On Saturday, August 25th (my 9th week), I was attending a bridal shower for a good friend when I discovered my WORST nightmare. I went to the restroom to find that I had started to bleed. OH NO, God, PLEASE, NO! Yep, it was blood. I left the bridal shower in a panic and drove straight to the emergency room after talking to one of my best friends, Nicole about what I should do. I called BR and told him that he needed to come and that something wasn't right.
Thankfully, the ER that I was able to make it to was new and there was NO wait. I don't know what my nerves would have done if I had to wait to see a DR. While in the emergency room, I went through a series of tests, peed in a cup, gave blood, had my cervix checked, had an ultrasound.
The ER doctor (with absolutely NO bedside manner) came into the room and said, "Well, it looks like you're having a miscarriage. There's nothing that we can do for you. You'll have to wait and see what your body does and call your doctor as soon as possible." GEE THANKS, DUDE. REALLY?! That was THE WORST thing that I have ever had to go through!
Later that week, I went to my Dr's office and was treated with the utmost respect and fragility. They explained to us that there was nothing that we could have done to cause the miscarriage or to prevent it; it was a chromosomal issue. While performing the ultrasound, they didn't ever find what may have been the baby inside of the sac. Apparently, things stopped happening around my 5th week. BR likes to call it a "False Start" to keep within his humorous spirit when I am upset. He always seems to keep me smiling even through the worst times.
Luckily (well, unluckily that I miscarried), I was able to miscarry naturally without having to have the D&C. There were the worst pains I have ever had to endure both physically and emotionally. I cried for 5 days and decided that it was God's way of making sure that we get a healthy baby.
This journey has not been easy at all but together, with God, Brian and I will not stop trying. We will dust ourselves off and start back at square 1. The good news is, we know we can get pregnant; we just have to get to the point of being able to successfully carry.
I have learned that even though we told everyone as early as we did and had to then turn around and tell them that we miscarried, I wouldn't do it any differently. Through this, we have been shown the most support from our family and friends. The support goes beyond just a pat on the back, the prayers are tremendous. Brian and I are so lucky to have such wonderful friends to help us get through such a hard time.
I know that we'll be able to conceive again- it's just a matter of when God is ready for it to happen. I have not lost my faith and will continue to pray for folks like myself who have tried so hard for the gift of a child and have not yet succeeded.
"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure..." (Hebrews 6:19)
"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7)
